Im really stressed and tired and behind in my schoolwork and feeling lousy about myself. I hate it when i keep screwing up for myself and others. I hate it when i reach home past midnight and couldnt get enough sleep. I hate it when i doze off during lectures and couldnt understand a thing the lecturer is saying because i didnt have time to read the text before lecture. I hate it when i fail to meet the expectations of the choreographer and myself. I know i can do it. I know i can. But sometimes i just don't have the energy, sometimes i missed my lines. And the most annoying thing is that i know i could have done better yet i didnt. I want to put up a good show, i really do. It's probably the last performance i would be involved in before i return to being a full-time student focused on getting my first class hons. And it's the first time i have friends here to support me, the first time i feel confident enough to ask them to come watch me, and i dont want to end up disappointing them. Most important of all, i dont want to let myself down. I want to look at the video after the concert and feel proud of myself, not pissed off at myself for looking bad. I want to be able to show it to everyone and tell them that i was involved in such a wonderful concert and i performed well in it.
Im really really tired, and the next 3 days are going to be even more so. Much as i hate the process, i know that at the end of the day, i will be proud to be part of it and i will still want to go through all these torture and do this all over again. It's gonna be worth it. And to make it worth it, i must really do my best.
Labels: dance, hear me whine
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