Candy Floss Dreamz

Exams start in exactly 3 weeks time!! Oh no, im so stressed cos i feel so unprepared, especially for biopsy. All the bio is really killing me, yet i cant complain to Jiang cos i look at his gigantic textbook and realise that what im learning is only a tiny fraction of what he has to know. But seriously, how on earth do they do it? Anyway, i find myself loving econs more and more so much that i even thought of abandoning my dream of becoming a psychologist to be an economist instead! Not that psy isnt interesting, it is, just that it is more difficult to study for that's all.

And please dont tell me not to worry too much cos im smart. Im not. I have only an average IQ, the only reason i do well is because i mug a shit lot. I know it, that if i dont mug there's no way im gonna to well. I wasnt born with an IQ of a smart ass. I got my results all through diligence and sacrifice. If anyone had put in as much effort as me, he/she could easily have gotten my cap. I sacrifice a social life for my grades. Instead of going out with friends, i opt to go home and mug. Sometimes i complain about not having many friends, but deep down i know it's because i had made it this way, not others. It's not that friends aint importatnt to me, they are. It's just that my studies has always been my top priority. The overwhelming desire to outperform people so i wouldnt be looked down upon has always been my motivation.

Im not a lucky person, i seldom win any lucky draws or contest. Therefore i never gamble cos i know i will lose every cent i put on the table. I know i cannot depend on luck for any achievements, that's the way it is, and that's why i have to work harder than anyone.

I may not have a fairy godmother who blesses me with a brain of a genius or looks of an angel, but at least i know that i deserve all i have cos i earned it through hard work and not just luck. I used to think that having many friends is good, but now i decided that just having a few true friends is enough. So, to my childhood friends - Zhen, Mad, Cindy, Han, Pj, Jas- it's amazing how we have maintained our friendship and keep it alive and strong for almost 10 years already. Notwithstanding the fact that we are all busy and seldom get to see each other, the familiarity and closeness never fades. Thanks girls, i know i always have you all to count on :)

Meanwhile, im gonna devote the rest of the month to my books. I must do well, i must. And i have nothing to depend on except my hard work.

Labels: hear me whine

posted by dreamz @ 5:08 PM