March 17, 2010

Too Much Countertransference

During clinics, i've seen many wives being treated for depression. Cause of their illness?

Cheating husbands.

Not only do their husbands not treat them well, they have extramarital affairs.

It's always the same. The woman will come into the clinic - angry, resentful, bitter. She will complain to the psychiatrist and me about how her husband cheated on her, how difficult life has been ever since, how she has suffered, how she wanted to end her life, only to be stopped by the thought of her children, and not wanting the husband to be "let off easy".

Eventually, the hatred dissolves into hurt. After ranting about the injustice, her eyes will turn red and tears will fall.

And that's when my countertransference sets in. I start cursing the husband in my head, i start thinking that guys are bastards and that women should be independent. We don't need them. Women are not born to be bullied by men. Not in this century.

What's the point of saying sorry after you broke her heart? Claiming that your wife is the only person that you love? Asking for forgiveness for that moment of folly?

What i say? BULLSHIT.

If you love her, you wouldn't have hurt her. You would have cherished her and made sure she's happy. Not shed those crocodile tears after tearing her apart.

And so what if she can forgive? She'll never forget.

A broken heart can never be the same again.

PS: of course, there are cheating wives too. But more often than not, it's the men who cheat. And that's what i see in clinics and in my life. And read in the news.

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