Candy Floss Dreamz

This is getting really confusing and vexing. I don't know what to do anymore. I dislike uncertainty. I like things to be predictable so i can plan and organize. I rather that there is a definite outcome. Good or bad, at least i know what to do, i can move on. I don't want to be stuck in this gray area, i cant proceed anywhere. I don't want to be unfair to myself, but yet i let myself get stuck in this situation and i cant master the courage and strength to pull myself out of it. I know i probably should open myself to opportunities, but at the same time, i feel guilty for even entertaining such a thought. I don't know why am i feeling bad about wanting to keep my options open, afterall, i have every single right to. Especially when i know the possibility of a good outcome is only 50%. Irrational? Maybe.

Im not really being emo here. A clinical psychologist must be emotionally stable, and that's what im gonna train myself to be. It's late at night and i'm exhausted, but i cant sleep. I keep reflecting upon these questions in my mind, trying to find answers to resolve this... even though i jolly well know there is nothing much i can do but to "wait and see" how things go.

Oh well, i guess nothing is for sure in life. That's what makes it interesting, exciting and a great learning experience. But i guess i could do with a little less excitement in my life ha.

If you know that you are equally likely to be successful or to fail, would u hope, or would you just give up?

If there's anything i learn in psychology, it's about finding meaning to devastating events. For me, I always believe that things happen for a reason. So please remind me about this should i get crushed one day.

posted by dreamz @ 11:57 PM