I joined the anniversary performance, i got the first taste of performing. I used to be a super lazy person, i hate to be busy, i hate to stay out late, i hate to sleep late. However, this didnt hold through during the performance preparation. Surprisingly, i didnt feel tired, i didnt drag my feet to practices. In fact, i had enjoyed every single one of them. Next i joined Impresario, more with the hope of gaining more exposure and improving rather than winning. In fact, getting into finals had never crossed my mind. Im more than happy just participating. And during the dancecamp, i practised till late. For someone who usually sleep before 11pm, it was quite amzing how i could last till 2am in the morning dancing without feeling tired at all.
After this was dancecamp, which i learned a lot from. I learnt about other kinds of dance, i realised techniques that i would have never noticed without the guide of the seniors, and most importantly, i was finally aware of how much more i need to work in order to catch up with others. I thought i have been working hard, but apparently, the one year spent at jitterbugs is definitely not enough. During the camp, i discovered how far behind i am compared to the other juniors and lots of effort is required from me in order to be up to standard.
I was depressed but not discouraged. That's the only good thing about me i guess.Call me competitive whatsover, but i hate to lose. I detested being the bottom of the batch and looked down upon. That's why i aways work harder than anyone else the moment i fall. True, i do wallow in some self-pity when things dont go my way. I cry, i complain, i feel inferior and hated myself, i wanted to give up, but in the end, i would stand up again and show everyone that i can be just as good as them.
That's the thing about me, i believe that i can get whatever i want if i work hard enough. And i also believe that everything happens for a reason. Like when something dont go my way such as being selected for chingay, i would tell myself that it is just a reminder that i cannot be complacent and i need to be more hardworking. It served as a different form of motivation, that's all. Without this, i would probably still live in my deluded world, thinking that im good. I know i can be too proud at times, that's why sometimes i need to fall in order to climb higher. I have done it before and i know i can do it again. I conquered something i've hated - physics, so there's no reason why i cant overcome the obstacle for something i have a strong passion for. No dance backgroud, so what? There are a few seniors who joined blast clueless about dancing and look at them now, they are just as good, if not, even better than those who have been dancing since young. If they can do it, why cant i? All these while i have been blaming my lack of background for my incompetence, but now i realised this was just a feeble excuse. It is not a reason for my failure. My complacency is.
Thanks friends for all your encouragement. And zhen you are right, only when im disappointed will i be motivated. Having people there for me, supporting me, make me more determined than ever to pick myself up.
I shall learn to be thick-skinned, ask more and join more competitions.It's the only way to improve. People can look down on me now, but i assure you they will look up to me one day. And that's all that matters. I aint gonna be defeated, just watch me.
Labels: danceblast
posted by dreamz @ 10:07 PM
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