im devastated. I opened the mailbox happily today thinking that i would receive my pay, but instead, i received a depressing letter from NUS which rejected me for the Global Merit Scholarship. I really couldnt believe it, how could they reject me even before the interview? If i were at least shortlisted for interview and got rejected, i would accept the fact that im just not good enough. At least i had a chance to let them know me better. However, they just rejected me based on my grades, one stupid essay and a teacher's recommendation alone. 4A, 2 M and a B3, it isnt that fantastic, but i can proudly say that my result is way better than most of my peers in Singapore. How many people get 4A 2 D anyway? Those who get it are most likely to be those who dont give a damn about NUS and applied for those prestigious universities in the states or those who are going to study medicine which do not make them qualified for the scholarship. Maybe boon poh wrote a lousy recommendation for me, maybe he thinks that i dont deserve the scholarship. Maybe im just not good enough.
I ran around my neighbourhood upon getting the news, hoping that the endophirns released would make me feel better. It didnt. Running just made me sweat so much that i have no more fluid left for tears.My parents reacted quite well to it, and told me not to worry since they can afford my education. But still, i felt as though i've let them down. Scholarships aint all about the money, it's about the prestige as well. Perhaps i was too over-confident, but i did try my best. My only regret is that i didnt have the oppurtunity to show my capability in an interview.
I always believe that things happen for a reason. Im wrecking my brain trying to think of a good reason for this. There must be one.
Right now, im counting my tears, till i get over this.
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